Inside Style - Capes

Inside Style by Annmarie O'Connor - as featured in The Dubliner magazine - October 14th

Image courtesy of Starstore.com

Capes. Apparently, they’re the latest trend.  Formerly the provenance of Robin and Red Riding Hood, the pseudo-sleeved cloak has now claimed a fresh legion of fashion victims. I however remain (capeless) on the fence. In my humble opinion, any garment that requires a ‘how to’ guide is best left alone. We all know how harem pants worked out (see: Did we ever need another ‘Hammer Time’?).  Thus, I feel it incumbent to me to parlay some pearls of wisdom, lest Grafton Street fast resembles a convention of Cistercian monks. Allow me to proceed...

Let’s start with the sleeves or lack thereof. Admittedly, Sherlock Holmes cut quite the dash with a pipe-clad hand extending from a mantle of intrigue on Baker Street. Try hailing a cab on a windy day, opening an umbrella or simply greeting a friend without receiving a face full of tweed and I’ll buy you a pint. Rest assured it could double as a handy bib should there be any spillage.

Don’t think you’ll be luckier opting for those slashes that double as armholes. These are merely spite devices designed to shame said victim into looking like Bosco. Don’t believe me? Try paying for that newspaper in the corner shop without espousing a queue of giggles...or a ‘Thunderbirds Are Go’ refrain. 
As for bags, prepare to downsize. A nice lunch box will do.  Anything proportionally larger will make you look like Quasimodo. Remember – items bearing straps only work under a cape. (See: why functioning coats need sleeves).  Besides, Bosco arms can’t carry much more than that.

Still want one? Groan. Arguably, the tippet does have its strengths.  Smuggling drinks into the pub comes to mind. The hood also doubles as a clever disguise should you receive the CCTV treatment.  Or perhaps put the garb to good use and storm on Leinster House in an act of superhero-like defiance. What you decide to do when interrupting Brian Cowan at Leader’s Questions is your gig but I’m sure he’d welcome a caped crusader rather than a JCB. Perhaps make a grand political gesture with your sartorial prop; or simply dispense some well-needed style tips to the backbenchers. In fact, histrionic and fictional affectations seem to be all this season’s ‘must-have’ is any good for. After all, who’s going to take fashion advice from someone in a cape?